Previously, I asked questions about LinkedIn. What is LinkedIn? What is it for? Ultimately, although I realized that LinkedIn was for professional networking, this led to clarifying my own understanding of the power of networking. It also deepened my relationship with LinkedIn. But these questions about professional networking came from observing and responding to obsessive detractors (haters) who comment on that site and on other social networks.
There Can’t Be Only One
Why do some people insist that others should live as they live? What compels them to impose those beliefs on others and seek ways to control them using threats or shunning, blacklisting or exiling them from their social circles, professions, organizations? Why do they “unfriend” or “unconnect” from those that don’t meet their standards? Why don’t they realize that networks increase power and value with diversity as well as with size and depth, and not from a hundred reflections of you? These reflections who think as you do. They will not see the most difficult problems differently. They will see the problem the same, so will not see other approaches or perspectives, and will promote the same assumptions as you do. Instead, you will benefit from the opening –rather than the closing– of your mind. Besides, closing a mind seems like hard work. It also seems like a kind of hate.
What makes people work so hard at diminishing others, at keeping them down? I used to think that obsessive detractors did this only to those people looking to “fake til they make it”; then I thought obsessive detractors did this to people working their ways up, in general, that they did this to anyone with imagination and ambition; but I also see that obsessive detractors even work on pulling down those who HAVE made it. People are always trying to bring people down. They are also always trying to tell people what they can’t do. It just hurts more when you don’t have the larger numbers of people recognizing your value, recognizing what you have already accomplished. It just hurts more when you haven’t reached or surpassed your goals.
Ultimately, though, creative individuals must get strong, grow a “thick skin”, and “keep their eyes on the prize.” They have to dig in, and focus on what they believe, and what they know, because, although there is wisdom in the network, there are also trolls. To defend your vision against them, individuals could do worse than be like John Locke.
“Don’t Tell Me What I Can’t Do.”
On the creative television series Lost, John Locke, played by Terry O’Quinn, is a man of mystery. “John Locke was a survivor of Oceanic Flight 815 and a previously disabled man who found himself able to walk once he arrived on the Island.” He seems to know things about the Island that many others don’t seem to know. He is also a man of great determination and questionable trustworthiness. He is also known for his enigmatic and powerful quote: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.” He knows there is more to the Island than it being a piece of land because he couldn’t walk, but could walk when on the Island. With the ability to walk, he could also see. He could see more than what others could see.
Yet different characters at different times, keep telling him he can’t do this or that. That’s when he would respond with the quote.
Lost is similar to the Game of Thrones in that each of the characters would have been heroes of their own stories, except they were all placed together, pitted against one another in various ways, at various levels. This is, not only like the main characters of the Game of Thrones, it is also like life. Each of us is the hero of our own stories, and we choose our various foils (or allies) as well as our antagonists. We choose them based on our defining narratives and our own perceptions and projections. Narratives generate our beliefs and our beliefs shape our narratives.
Education and Therapy and Change
Cognitive Behavior Therapy helps clients rewrite their narratives, often focusing their attentions on the cognitive dissonance in their narratives, and helps them with editing them out when needed.
“Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of treatment that focuses on examining the relationships between thoughts, feelings and behaviors. By exploring patterns of thinking that lead to self-destructive actions and the beliefs that direct these thoughts, people with mental illness can modify their patterns of thinking to improve coping. CBT is a type of psychotherapy that is different from traditional psychodynamic psychotherapy in that the therapist and the patient will actively work together to help the patient recover from their mental illness. People who seek CBT can expect their therapist to be problem-focused, and goal-directed in addressing the challenging symptoms of mental illnesses. Because CBT is an active intervention, one can also expect to do homework or practice outside of sessions.”
Education does this as well by helping students learn different narratives. Some narratives can be so powerful that they become more compelling than previously well-known narratives. It’s like when I watched the old Batman series as a kid, I didn’t know it was full of camp and comedy. Then I actually read a Batman comic book or two and I realized the Batman was a very conflicted and violent individual who fought against criminals who killed disfigured people. The comic took itself very seriously. There was no room for camp.
The same happens with careers. As a kid, I thought that adults working in a career could be described as trudging into an office building only to sort files and sign piles of papers that sat on a desk. Over time, other narratives crowded out that idea. I saw the world of work as much more diversified. It had more variety, and could even be exciting. It could be rewarding. The paper pushing was still a big part of many jobs, but very often, employees had room for some creativity and can experience some degree of personal accomplishment.
And that’s just from tv shows and comic books and the novels I’ve read over time.
Something I caught onto with TV shows was how the main characters were presented with problems. They were often dropped into a comedy of errors or they had a new challenge that they couldn’t immediately overcome. That is until the person they meet by chance (seemingly) or because of some chance appliance failure or something similar gave them the insight they need. Maybe they learn to appreciate that annoying person in a new way or maybe the struggle to get rid of a stray dog makes them realize the responsibilities each of has for each other. Or maybe, in a conversation about the main character’s resistance to perform a new task triggers an intervention approach that saves the day. This happens in stories millions of times. Basically, it’s the same message: solving a different problem helps them to solve their bigger problem.
A Jack of All Trades (a master of none)
Sam Kishaish wrote, “The Secret to my Success: I Collect Hobbies”. This is his message and also his belief: “What does guitar playing, writing, photography, longsword fencing and horology have in common? They are all skills I’ve picked up the last couple of years. You could call it being a renaissance man, a Jack-of-all-trades (but a master of none) or a dabbler, but to me it’s part of a system I use to improve myself – and my career.” He believes that learning in and beyond one’s comfort zone, perfecting skills–whether they are motor skills, creativity techniques, writing style, intellectual pursuits–that everything things improves one’s ability to solve problems. I believe this as well.
On LinkedIn, I have lurked and participated in a number of discussions around the topics and uses of systems thinking and system dynamics. One of the main things that stuck with me was the idea that everything is a system.
Any object, any thing that you can observe, is a system. Getting to this insight results from an amalgamation of domain-thinking, technological history, the study of models, and psychology. It also includes knowledge of physics and any other science that helps to inform this perspective. Because, depending on where you draw the boundaries, a thing or an event or a person exists as its own system. But it’s also, simultaneously, a subsystem of a greater whole. Again, this whole is bound by your knowledge and appreciation. It’s like what I said previously:
“These parts, through the magic of thaumaturgy, represent a whole. It’s what we do with maps and symbols and models. They are shadows; two dimensions (in most cases) cast from the illumination behind three and four dimensions.”
There is Just One Thing and This is the Thing
You can learn a lot about a person’s beliefs, from their worldview, in their experiences, and especially, in their reflections on those experiences. They reveal a great deal if you only listen to their responses, read what they are saying. Conversation can bring to this level of understanding. On the other hand, maybe you do not have the time to explore the thinking behind a shared picture or video or quote, but telling them to essentially shut up before they actually even say anything sets a bad precedent. Even if it comes from a place of fear that allowing some of these shares might devalue LinkedIn’s offerings to you, the fear of these posts turning LinkedIn “into a facebook”, this kind of thinking is a fallacy. It is the slippery slope fallacy.
In Rain Man, Raymond picked up pebbles and put it into his pocket. Seem like a meaningless, compulsive at and then the other character realizes from a conversation with Raymond that each pebble was picked up during a very important and valued moment in Raymond’s life. These were essentially fetish that helps to trigger the memory of those moments. This was also similar in a movie with Daniel Stern, who played a character selected record. His record collection had great value for him, that others could not understand, that is until he reveals in a conversation heat record held a song that played during an important moment in his life. He shares how one record one song in particular played when he first met the woman he married.
In my own life, I have a similar story. I am NOT a sports fan. I don’t follow any particular sport, nor do I have a favorite team, and so I have no favorite or at least. I like sports, I’m just not a fan. I prefer to spend my time doing other things than spectating sports. I enjoy the lives of others vicariously in other ways.
So, for a while I believed that people enjoy sports they were good at, and they watch the sports to learn from them. But then I had an actual conversation with a sports fan. He told me the story about why he loved the the New York Yankees. In the story, he revealed things about his relationship with his father, revealed the kinds of things he paid attention to while watching the game, and, when he started talking about particular athletes with great detail, he revealed the stories that he valued. He told stories of underdogs that became heroes. He told stories of people who were not valued who suddenly revealed that they were more like a diamond in the rough. Naysayers had to take their foots out of their mouths. Opposing teams embodied evil or terrible practices or terrible character traits. These teams would be pitted against the “good guys” who eventually prevailed because they persevered, had great attitudes, and better character. This is what he saw when he watched a game. In these moments, I understood how we were similar. I enjoyed similar experiences and similar value from seeing my favorite comic book characters brought to life on the big screen and the small.
So, to those angry unfrienders, to those self righteous disconnectors, to those who would lecture on the inappropriate honest of something shared because they don’t see an obvious usefulness or value that would improve them or their business practices or help them get promoted, I suggest opening your mind. Work on changing this attitude. Work on opening your mindset to see more opportunities. See these shared pictures, songs, these messages, as a portal into the world of another person. If you can enter that world, and if you can find similarities to your own interests, communication can happen. Appreciation emerges. And this person who was at first seemed to be vacuous and useless, may become just what you had hoped they would be, a person who helped you reach your goals or a person who you could help to reach their goals.
Recognize, that there is a reciprocal benefit, a transaction, and that comes out of professional networking. It’s a benefit money can’t buy.
Out of the Weaving Secret 